tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post3424833756338137826..comments2024-03-05T12:29:43.693-08:00Comments on The Abode of Yoga: Lavanya - A Guest PostY.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06691766827578927691noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-15114041443388304662016-12-27T19:29:06.145-08:002016-12-27T19:29:06.145-08:00Hi Lavanya--what a courageous testimony. I have t...Hi Lavanya--what a courageous testimony. I have to admit that I was suspicious of all the allegations until I read yours yesterday. In my case, the chief problem was always trying to align the testimonies with what I witnessed and felt as a discipline. <br /><br />I guess I needed a link to someone who I knew of in the centre. One of my friends and mentors--one of the first disciples in the centre--held you in such high regard. I remember seeing you when I was a new disciple when the Guru was passing by at the New York City Marathon. You were appeared to be very reverent. How much of this reverence was a mixture of fear and devotion, given all that you had known? How did you live with all of that? Did you just shove it aside? <br /><br />I have to say that as I read you testimony yesterday, some of my final doubts about the prior testimonies cleared. Something snapped within me. As a discipline, I always felt that if I broke that link with the Guru, I would be adrift in the world. I hope that you will write a memoir so we can get a clearer sense of what was going on in the centre. I'm certain that it would help many people to reconcile with that time in their lives. <br /><br />I also hope that people will explore what the Guru was. That is, if so many of us had experiences, were those real? Did the Guru have the capability of transmitting such experiences? I still think it would be lie to say that he didn't. <br /><br />I feel that it would be odd for such intelligent and brilliant people to join and stay so long if the Guru didn't have some ability to transmit experiences. I also recollect how these experiences were ethereal and transient--in part because I was so closed off to everything below the heart. <br /><br />Is it possible to be "realized" and also immature as a human being? What then was his "status"? As a human being, one can certainly say he was a hypocritical. This is what was most offensive: he taught celibacy but failed to practice it. <br /><br />Spiritual experiences do not fundamentally amount to change. But I can say that there are experiences that were defining, shaping everything that came after. I am quite that sure that others would concur. <br /><br />As I hear about the lives of those students who have moved on, I reflect on how much they have learned about their experiences: how many reached a dead-end. Was this not indicative of a maturity-- a stripping away of experience. <br /><br />For myself, 2-3 "experiences" stand the test of time are are like arteries to what is lasting. Are those experiences--which are not mere memories--attributable to the Guru? How to reconcile these and the image of him as sexual predator/tantrika/manipulative human? In my case, it was an experience of losing the centre of "I" while riding a bike a chanting gratitude. Something like a veil descended from above and everything I saw was filled with joy. When I attempted to locate a source of the self, there was no one home--only sheer bewilderment that the bike was moving at all. This lasted for an hour until I got in argument with my supervisor at the divine enterprise where I worked. The experience came back many times unexpected after I left as well. I remember the last time standing in front of the Guru, inwardly explaining to him that I was leaving his path, the same sense that no one was home. There was no one home in him or in myself. It wasn't a detached feeling, but real, lasting. This, and few moments of true gratitude when he died, were all I took with me. The rest is baggage that snapped within me as I read your narrative. <br /><br />I don't want to co-opt this thread, but to simply thank you Lavanya, for telling your story. I hope that you continue to write. <br /><br />Kindest Regards,<br /><br /> <br /><br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-50055355622364579802016-08-19T08:12:24.262-07:002016-08-19T08:12:24.262-07:00Thank you for your story. It is amazing that now, ...Thank you for your story. It is amazing that now, ten years after his death, the center is still recruiting and there are many living in ignorance. Thank fully, your story shines as a beacon of truth to illuminate the dark waves of ignorance.Kenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10160525183351400511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-58052546115127357212016-08-06T14:25:48.274-07:002016-08-06T14:25:48.274-07:00The conversation is a sharing of experiences. Yes,...The conversation is a sharing of experiences. Yes, it is not to argue or criticize. Even the slightest judgement makes for unbalance, and this is not pleasant or constructive. Apologies, forgiveness, thanks, gratitude and love. The rest will take care of itself. Stefan Brighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15960340203185591432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-12654631645180828602016-08-06T12:07:30.846-07:002016-08-06T12:07:30.846-07:00Let's not argue about the past and focus on th...Let's not argue about the past and focus on the things we can still change. Let's forgive each other and Guru and we will carry a smaller burden. It is pointless proving a point if that thing is not beneficial to at least one person on the long run. Lavanya and others I love You all and I wish You Divine Blessings, Peace and Mental, Emotional and Spiritual Poise in a form of Heavenly shelter and inner progress. Gregor Leskovšek from <a href="https://lilaum.com" rel="nofollow">Peace refuge</a>.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12295209248827286336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-41951439959072343432016-08-05T18:10:04.182-07:002016-08-05T18:10:04.182-07:00Cosmic, is that it? You observe the cosmos? You ar...Cosmic, is that it? You observe the cosmos? You are steeped in the new age confusion of psychology masquerading as spirituality. Belief systems, loss of belief, desperate drama, balance of understanding: straight out of the new age book. Along with the desire to be the white knight for the damsel in distress, willing to vanquish this evil sayer. Find some objectivity and distance from your closely held beliefs. You will notice I did not attack this woman personally, no deep analysis of her problems like you have attempted to put on me. You must also be a highly trained analyst to be able to explain away my comments (doubtful) another feature of people who think they know more than they do.agraveshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14836212961926770078noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-67303454776576418892016-08-05T14:38:20.722-07:002016-08-05T14:38:20.722-07:00Agraves,
It seems that you are fighting your own b...Agraves,<br />It seems that you are fighting your own battle of belief. Perhaps you have been affected by some belief system you have engaged with and are coming to terms with your loss of that belief. Soap operas are made for tv entertainment. This is indeed real life and has as much authenticity than any of your life dramas may have. Until you walk in these particular shoes your only intelligent response is to reflect. Unless, like I have said, you are still recovering from your own desperate drama. In that case, I empathize with your experience and hope that you will come to the balance of understanding, and in doing so will find the empathy to exact a smile and a tear. Just maybe, you were finishing your second glass of Pinot Noir when your guides spoke up. Cheers!<br />CosmicObserverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04678377026899911436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-70794417747125143782016-08-05T11:50:09.419-07:002016-08-05T11:50:09.419-07:00While this is an interesting story it is nonethele...While this is an interesting story it is nonetheless a soap opera! Not a word of spiritual development, higher consciousness or any thing of the sort. This is representative of many westerners failing to test the guru or observe his behavior before committing to him. It also tells the tale of many gurus:TM, Nityanda, Adi Da, years and years and not one person achieving Enlightenment, not one. As my guides tell me: beware, this is all fairy tales. Alexagraveshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14836212961926770078noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-50600737812509385962016-08-03T16:49:19.650-07:002016-08-03T16:49:19.650-07:00Lavanya, Sincere thanks for having the courage to ...Lavanya, Sincere thanks for having the courage to share your experiences. It helps all of us process our experience on the path. Hugs!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-51406634777458676742016-07-08T21:05:28.485-07:002016-07-08T21:05:28.485-07:00Lavanya, I am so sorry that you are still sufferin...Lavanya, I am so sorry that you are still suffering after all these years. On behalf of many people, thank you so much for telling your story. Much love to you and all the best in your present and future healing and happiness.S. nznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-68908422284672572862016-06-20T17:49:32.050-07:002016-06-20T17:49:32.050-07:00We never know the power of our words and the effec...We never know the power of our words and the effect they have on others. A simple story that confirms our own story can be healing beyond measure. A story such as yours Lavanya is in another category altogether. The position you held, coupled with the story you have told has the power to liberate many from the horrible fantasy that is the SCC. There are many who will find their way to these pages. Thank You ! <br /> sjineughttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00707246355520655174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-56591956380961658962016-06-20T10:07:26.840-07:002016-06-20T10:07:26.840-07:00All the stories leading up to this stunning and co...All the stories leading up to this stunning and courageous admission, gives your story Lavanya, much greater truth, even more than simple truth can hold. It is eye-opening at its least, and mind blowing at its height. Whoever thought that this kind of behavior was never possible from someone deemed so holy can now see that maybe, by some slim chance, they were wrong. It's not surprising. We see it more than not these days. So, you believers out there, face it, this is what your guru was about. If you believe it and still hold true to your devotion, well, more power to you. It you have any doubts now, maybe it's better to come out of the darkness and play in the light.CosmicObserverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04678377026899911436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-18633187141612701722016-06-20T05:29:12.210-07:002016-06-20T05:29:12.210-07:00Because of my blind trust, my child was sexually a...Because of my blind trust, my child was sexually abused Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-29183476414747430452016-06-19T10:10:15.194-07:002016-06-19T10:10:15.194-07:00Dear Lavanya, Your story is so real and poignant....Dear Lavanya, Your story is so real and poignant. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing it. I know you will benefit greatly from taking this step, freeing yourself and owning yourself. We believed and our decisions were founded in that belief. Many others are still bound. I do think that, at some level, deep within, they also want freedom, normalcy and to own their own light. You are showing us that what we all need is simple honesty to heal and move forward in our inner and outer lives. During the 20 years I was on the path, your poise and devotion were an inspiration to me and many others. You are still an inspiration and beacon of hope. My hope is that the XD community will grow and we will be nurtured and inspired by each other to have richer, fuller and more complete lives in every way. This is not about bitterness but about real love for those who were part of our lives. <br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10856938234628224095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-91655553875981204612016-06-19T09:29:58.844-07:002016-06-19T09:29:58.844-07:00Thanks Lavanya. I know this took a lot of courage...Thanks Lavanya. I know this took a lot of courage to finally go public with your story. Love courage. Love integrity. Love authenticity. Love keeping it really real. Love you.dukeofdharmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10221974202482998918noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-63071136030860214312016-06-19T03:40:02.755-07:002016-06-19T03:40:02.755-07:00Dear Lavanya, I feel Your story is sincere, but Yo...Dear Lavanya, I feel Your story is sincere, but You should know the rule: "Love Your Guru as much as You want, BUT! think for Yourself." I believe me and many others have fallen for this. The case is it is nothing wrong with Sri Chinmoy's meditation, but with His personality.<br />The moment we came idle or lazy and give our control to someone "superior" He will take this just as a gift/an opportunity/something that He should use for His extra pleasure. But then we are damned.<br />Dear Lavanya, I wish You a quick and complete healing recovery of Your trauma-s and memories. I love You and hope You forget the past.<br />My father was suffocating me eight times when I was very young and after it gave other absurd punishments and set unpredictable limits.<br />I found out I won't be able to forgive myself completely until I forgive him too and let him go his path (astray).<br />So I wish You would forgive Yourself, Your brothers and sisters who had similar experiences (or not) and finally Guru.<br />Once I loved Him more than God. Not that is not the case anymore and I want to die single and leave my appartment to SCC Ljubljana so I will forgive myself I actually felt something beautiful when He discarded me and in later Life I will find another Path, whatever heart, vital, mind or simply Hare Krishna!<br />Lavanya I love You and I wish You a new Divine Plan and God's healing and all the best as Ashrita used to say, Grega Leskovšek, <a rel="nofollow">http://lilaum.com</a>Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12295209248827286336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4179595007554980645.post-73658043964284107892016-06-18T02:09:25.986-07:002016-06-18T02:09:25.986-07:00Lavanya, thank you for this truth. More, thank you...Lavanya, thank you for this truth. More, thank you for the inner poise, goodness and humanity that you have held fast to in order to take on the fear. Speaking against the fear is no mean feat. The self-reflection that accompanies writing about the past is a path that so many of us walk in our journey to make sense of the last 30+ years. How could the light - that seemed so all-consuming and blinding for periods - be accompanied by so many abuses of power? All the free labour and money to feed his constant hunger for fame and recognition. And all the sex - purely as an instrument of that need for power over people, to control his universe, to be Master of it! It was crushing and so confusing. It took years and years to make sense of it all because - as you say - it was so wrapped in your own spiritual identity. To denounce one was to denounce your own sense of self, so heavily invested by the years of practice. The first task for me was to take on the fear and walk through it, having faith in truth itself and its power to heal. Ready to discover that I was wrong, and learn from it, if need be ...<br /><br />I believe that walking away from something that you have realised to be limiting and untrue, into a world that you have been conditioned to feel is 'all darkness' is in itself a truly spiritual experience. Leaving comfort and constraint, twisted privilege, the feeling of being a big fish in a small pond, for the complete unknown, for anonymity, for hardship, for potentially feeling alone for the rest of your life – you are absolutely at the most vulnerable point of existence. But you get to understand where the spirituality inside your own existence really is! And most beautifully, after a time, you can then experience true connection to others. Ah, the joy of that! The truth of that! To find my brothers and sisters of the SCC Alumni and have the kinds of true spiritual conversations where there is no taboo or secrecy but only our searching hearts to answer to, our kindness, our love, our support of each other.<br /><br />I too have to be grateful for everything I experienced in the centre. It's part of my identity. I understand all those who just cannot conceive that these things happened, I was there until it happened to me! As for those that have known all along and feel that this knowledge is some kind of spiritual task, some zen test laid out by the master for the student to walk through, well, I took it that way myself for some years and managed to keep my sanity, and learned a few great things about myself along the way. But my ultimate learning was that sometimes you have to realise that the exhortation to 'obedience' and 'surrender' made spiritual idiots of us. The growth can be in having the courage to throw this off and seek a higher truth for the next level of learning. Something you truly know for yourself, with your whole self, not something imposed from the outside that you are hoping will stick but feels wrong.<br />So, thank you. Thank you in one way for being the noble and authentic soul that you are and feeling that silence was the only dignified course you could choose as you digested your experiences. But a bigger thank you for then knowing that there is a time for speaking out also – to relieve suffering and to serve a greater group "progress". Thank you for what must have been a conscious parking of the silent dignity for a moment, to tell an uncomfortable, messy truth. It shines through your words in a new way, for me. A sweet, self-reflecting and humble goodness.<br />To all those inside, we love you and think about you and talk about you and care that your futures are bright and beautiful! We are all one – inside and out. All our choices are sacred and bring ultimate truth in ways unique to us. Love and peace to all!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01215992856023269317noreply@blogger.com