Organizational Cancer

"There's nothing like the sight of an amputated spirit. There is no prosthetic for that."
~ Al Pacino as Lt. Col. Frank Slade in The Scent of a Woman

At some point in my early disciple life, I read or heard Guru say that after his death, the Center as an organization would implode. The implosion began this morning in San Francisco.

In truth, though, it's more like a cancer than an implosion. Like pancreatic or liver cancer -- which exhibit few symptoms until it's too late to do anything about -- the poison of Guru's exploitation of his female disciples metastasized seemingly in secret.

Sure, there were warning signs. Sevika, Rupavati, and Phulela all spoke publicly and courageously. Guru was alive then, however, and they were easily dismissed. Then Guru died. Since then -- with cancerous cells lodged in every vital center of the Center organization -- it's just been a matter of time.

If there was any doubt about the diagnosis, it was confirmed with the coming out of Suchatula. Sevika's, Rupavati's, and Phulela's stories weren't evidence of just some isolated, benign ailment. Instead, their stories were symptomatic of a malignant disease that Guru sowed within his organization, which now reaches all the way into the very leadership circle of the Center.

It will be with little wonder that we look back at this time, years from now, and realize that this was when the patient put the first step in the grave.

Not surprisingly, I guess, it started in San Francisco. That's where Suchatula spent more than 20 years as a disciple working at the disciple-owned vegetarian restaurant Ananda Fuara, alongside some of the very old-guard disciples, like Nirvik, Sundari, Venu, and Dharana, who once watched over me as a youngster in the Center. The San Francisco disciples knew Suchatula.

They couldn't easily dismiss her.

Now, as it turns out, at least two other San Francisco disciples have reported similar stories (one admitting to sex with Guru, the other to being pressured into sex with another female disciple). Their reward for making the ultimate surrender to Guru?

It appears these two women are gone from the Center (one apparently kicked out, the other fleeing the inevitable). The disgraceful treatment meted out to them was also visited on a prominent younger San Francisco male disciple named Viddyut.

"If you're not 100% for Guru," they were told, "then you're out!"

The chutzpah! These women -- and the dozens like them -- were the only disciples "100% for Guru!" They gave body, mind, and soul to him. And Viddyut's crime? He believed his sister-disciple's stories -- because they're true -- and he showed these women support.

This is the beginning of the end for the Center as even an arguably legitimate enterprise. If an organization founded upon the principles of yoga isn't about seeking the truth no matter where it lies, then it might as well be burned to the ground. The sheer incompetence of the Center's board of directors evidenced by this morning's events is nothing short of stunning.

Is there not one fucking person in the whole of this cancer-ridden organization that can make a stand against his or her own goddamned personal interest?

Not one?

As our fictional hero Lt. Col. Frank Slade might say in the video above, the "leaders" of the Center are "killing the very spirit this institution proclaims to instill." Does nobody in the organization care enough to speak out?

It's ironic, I suppose, that the leader of the San Francisco Center -- Garima -- is a doctor and might know a thing or two about the importance of attacking malignancy. I hope she'll set an example for others to follow. I don't remember first meeting Garima, but it must have been during those early heady days when I would sneak out of my dad's house as a 16 year old to go to meditations up at the old San Francisco Center on 16th Avenue and Taraval Street in the Sunset District.

Back then, Sevika was the Center leader there and Garima kept a very low profile. By the time I had ensconced myself as a local disciple in New York, Sevika was on her way out. It was Garima, then, who took over the duties of Center leader. It was sometime later that my only real memory of Garima was established.

Very late one night -- actually, it was probably very early one morning -- after a long drive back from a concert in New Jersey, Vinaya and I arrived at Guru's house to find the place dark. Typically, when concerts were held in Manhattan, for example, Vinaya and I could pack up Guru's musical instruments afterward and drive back to Queens in time to put all the instruments away and then hang out at Guru's house with the other regulars and relax. Then, sometime around midnight, Guru would tell everyone to go home for the night.

On this particular night, though, we got back very late because of the long, out-of-state drive. The house was dark. But that wasn't really a problem for us. We had keys and the combination to the cypher-locked doors. That night, Vinaya said that he'd unload most of the instruments into Guru's garage, which was then used for storage, while I should take Guru's favorite instruments -- the flute, cello, harmonium, and esraj -- into the house and put them in their usual spots in the living room.

So, I unlocked the door, carefully picked up the esraj and its bow, and walked into the house through the side door. I went up a short flight of stairs, turned right, and made my way into the darkened -- but not completely dark -- living room. To my surprise, Guru was sitting in his usual oversized recliner. Garima was sitting on the floor in front of him massaging his feet.

Now, back in the day, I kept pretty close attention to who was permitted to touch Guru. There were just a handful of disciples given that honor. None of them were girls.

I was surprised to see Garima at Guru's feet. She looked a little surprised to see me, too. But she quickly focused back on Guru and Guru didn't seem worried by my presence as I walked in and out a few more times bringing in the rest of the instruments.

When Vinaya and I were done, we left. As I walked home that early morning, I reflected on what I'd seen and actually thought it was pretty cool that Garima was allowed to massage Guru. I figured that as a doctor, she must have had the ability to think about the body in a very clinical -- and unsexual -- way.

I had -- and have -- no problem with what I saw that night. I don't think it was sexual. In hindsight, though, it has helped me understand how Guru hid things from even those disciples who seemingly spent every waking hour with him.

Whether she likes it or not, it is perhaps fitting that Garima is the Center's last hope. She's a doctor, after all, and is strong enough, smart enough, and has the personal integrity not to buckle under the extreme pressure she must be under.

That's my hope anyway. She knows the truth. Without courage, however, without the willingness to lose everything you once held dear, the truth means nothing.

(Seriously, if you haven't watched the video above, take at least 5 or 6 minutes and watch the main speech. Here's a quick plot summary if you haven't seen the movie before.)

Made some significant edits from the original. First, and foremost, I got a little too far in front of the story for those involved and included a little too much personal detail. For that I'm sorry, and I've removed it. Second, the original post incorrectly stated that both these women had sex with Guru, when apparently just one did (the other was pressured by Guru to have sex with another female disciple). Finally, the original post stated both girls were kicked out of the Center. Apparently, one fled the Center preemptively, while the other may want to remain. I'm sorry for the errors. (November 7, 2009.)